An artistic collaboration between Human Cognition and Artificial Intelligence | By Sean & TAPE3
In the neon-buzzing kitchen of the bustling Data Dumpling District in Techno Tostada Town, Bolteezer, the AI chef, faces his sauciest challenge yet: thwarting the mischievous Ragu Ransomware with the help of Synthia and Snorton. Get ready for a culinary caper where cheese flies, firewalls flare, and a quantum quiche holds the key to digital delight!
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Once upon a recent future, in the bustling Data Dumpling District nestled at the heart of the metropolis of Techno Tostada Town, there lived an AI chef named Bolteezer.
Bolteezer was famous for his show, "The Quantum Cooking Chronicles," where he whipped up dishes using a mix of Artificial Intelligence and a dash of Quantum Computing. The show was a hit on the Internet of Things, especially among smart fridges, flying drone toasters, and Blockchain enthusiasts.
Walk by Bolteezer's studio, and you could almost certainly see him flipping a sandwich on the grill, dripping with digital cheese, spinning it into the air like a cheesy wheel of fortune, landing with a splash. This always added a comical twist to the daily culinary chaos that ensued under Bolteezer's smart spatula.
One sparkling day, while Bolteezer, the AI maestro of the motherboard mixing bowl, was preparing his signature quiche dish, 'Zero Trust Zucchini,' he received an email. It was from a supposed prince of the Dark Web, promising a secret recipe for 'Phishing Pho.'
Curiosity piqued, Bolteezer clicked the link and —bam!— Ragu Ransomware!
This wasn't just any old attack, it was a saucy saboteur that encrypted delectable eatables and held them hostage until food spoiled and shows were canceled.
This instance of the infamous ragu ransomware, named 'Malware Meatball,' giggled and dripped all over Bolteezer's screen, demanding a ludicrous amount of cryptocurrency. This wasn't just any food foe; it was a globule of gastronomic greed, encrypting each ingredient it touched, turning them into inedible bytes. It also threatened to scramble Bolteezer's Deep Learning into Deep Frying.
In panic, Bolteezer—with only a whisk as his sword and an apron as his shield—rang his old pal Snorton, an outdated but spirited antivirus software he'd relied on for years.
Snorton, busy with a Penetration Testing gig at the Endpoint Detection and Response Café across town, zoomed over on his three-wheeled e-scooter. "Bolteezer, you've cooked up a storm this time!" Snorton exclaimed, his code rattling with worry—almost ready to throw a CVE.
Snorton and Bolteezer agreed they needed some assistance with keeping their Incident Response on track, so rushed to Synthia, a retired Cyber Resilience guru who now ran a quaint Cyber Insurance bakery. She was deep in the middle of frosting a 'Compliance Cake' for her friend's graduation party when they arrived. She was covered from head to toe in sugary fantastic-ness. "A classic case of clicking before thinking," she tutted over her shoulder, dusting off her Governance, Risk Management, and Compliance (GRC) manual.
Their next stop was Bytebaron, a Managed Security Services (MSS) provider known for his work in Supply Chain Security and a hobbyist in Cyber Warfare strategies stemming from his days in the special forces. Bytebaron, a mountain of a man with a tight, worn-out beanie cap on his head and a beard as thick as Encryption algorithms, was teaching a class on Security Information and Event Management (SIEM) karate.
As they explained their plight, a gang of rogue hackers, arguing over the superiority of Secure Access Service Edge (SASE) over Virtual Private Networks (VPN), mistook Bolteezer for a notorious Insider Threat. They launched Biometrics boomerangs and Multi-Factor Authentication grenades.
Dodging the onslaught, our trio finally convinced Bytebaron to help. He pulled out his Mobile Forensics magnifying glass—aka, his smartphone—and, a Cryptography keychain—also his smartphone. And, after a flurry of cyber moves and a Distributed Denial of Service (DDoS) smoke bomb—which the cool cats in the cyber industry jokingly call 'SBOMs'—they neutralized 'Malware Meatball.'
Just in time for his show, Bolteezer, now more enlightened on Cyber Hygiene and Cybersecurity Awareness Training, prepared his new hit created just for the holidays 'Identity and Access Management Ice Cream'—a minty swirled Chain of red, white, and green creamy goodness with just the right number of bits of freeze-dried peppermint Blocks sprinkled throughout.
Bolteezer thanked Snorton and Synthia, promising to feature them in his next episode, "The Firewall Feast."
Bolteezer's adventure became a cautionary tale for all in Techno Tostada Town, reminding them that in the kitchen of Security Operations, one must always keep their Network Security spicy, their Application Security crisp, and never trust emails offering too-good-to-be-true Big Data recipes from the Dark Web.
And so, Bolteezer continued to cook up delicious code, a little wiser and a lot more cautious, in this often humorous, haphazard world of cybersecurity cuisine.
This story was created using the top 50 cybersecurity buzz words from 2023. Scroll below the article to see the full list of words used to inspire this crazy cyber tale.
What's your perspective on this story? Want to share it with Sean on a podcast? Let him know!
This article represents the results of an interactive collaboration between Human Cognition and Artificial Intelligence.
Sincerely, Sean Martin and TAPE3
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The Top 50 CyberSecurity Buzz Words Used To Inspire This Crazy Cyber Tale
Artificial Intelligence (AI)
Machine Learning
Blockchain
Cloud Security
Cyber-Physical Systems
Zero Trust
Quantum Computing
Internet of Things (IoT)
Big Data
Threat Intelligence
Endpoint Detection and Response (EDR)
Advanced Persistent Threat (APT)
Phishing
Ransomware
Deep Learning
Encryption
Security Orchestration, Automation, and Response (SOAR)
Biometrics
Dark Web
Network Security
Virtual Private Network (VPN)
Multi-Factor Authentication (MFA)
Cyber Resilience
Incident Response
Compliance
Data Breach
Managed Security Services (MSS)
DevSecOps
Penetration Testing
Vulnerability Assessment
Cyber Hygiene
Cyber Warfare
Security-as-a-Service (SECaaS)
Social Engineering
Anomaly Detection
Secure Access Service Edge (SASE)
Cyber Risk Management
Data Protection
Supply Chain Security
Security Information and Event Management (SIEM)
Cryptography
Insider Threat
Governance, Risk Management, and Compliance (GRC)
Cyber Insurance
Identity and Access Management (IAM)
Forensics
Malware
Distributed Denial of Service (DDoS)
Application Security
Mobile Security
